Am I a good mom? What would life have been like if I had stayed with the girls’ dad allowing them to grow up with that kind of abusive role model and in extreme poverty? Haven’t I shown them that people make mistakes, but it’s what we do with “now” that matters? Have I successfully shown them how to be strong and independent, determined, and to strive for better? Is my going to school and working hard being the good example that I want to be? Have my sacrifices been worth it, and have I prioritized correctly? Have I shown them how much I believe in them, and that all things are possible? Have we played together enough? What if I had finished high school, staying on track and having goals as a teenager? Would I have gone to college sooner? Would I have become a marine biologist or photographer for National Geographic, traveling the world and exploring people, places and animals as I’d hoped to do when I was a girl? Would I have been good at that? Where would I be now? Would I have become a parent and married? Would I have met Andrew and inherited his wonderful family? Would I have the same kids and appreciate them as I do? Would they be as independent and amazing? Would I be who I am now? Need we worry about the future and dwell on the past? Is not now the most important thing and all there really is? Aren’t we grateful?
Lisa Graser is a senior at SJSU majoring in Communication Studies with a minor in Public Relations.
The Bolt Magazine 