I woke up in a puddle of sweat. Forced to be up hours before class, to perform my repetitive routine. On the first day back on campus after a 3 year hiatus due to Covid-19, my OCD became worse than ever. Being isolated relieved the stress of people seeing my compulsive actions. Now, I had to go back to the real world. The voice inside my head was shouting, “What will they think?” “What will they say?” “What will they ask?”
I found the courage to walk to the bathroom. I turn the squeaky light switch on, then back off. On and back off. This happens four times before I can finally start brushing my teeth. After, I rinse my mouth with water, and spit. Rinse and spit. I continue this process three times. It’s my daily routine. I could try to break the pattern, but what’s the point? The last time I tried, I had a nervous breakdown. Why does this happen to me? That’s right, that voice in my head tells me it must be done or my life will be turned upside down. Before leaving the room, another four flicks. Time for breakfast. Four light switches, five times opening and shutting the cabinet, and closing the fridge two times, breakfast is finally prepared. Finally, I grab my backpack and set it down. Up, and back down. Three times. I am ready for class. I see the classroom door in the distance, how am I going to control this?
The Bolt Magazine 