Derealization

 by Matthew Dominguez

7:24 A.M., Monday, April 23rd, 2022. The sun rises into the baby blue sky, glaring into my blue room, and shining on my face as I sleep. I lay there peacefully, with no doubt in mind, not stressed, simply at peace. My mother woke me, she stood there at my door, trembling and tears running down her face with a phone in her hand. She asks “Are you awake, Matthew? Can you hold me?” Unsure, confused, and dazed while my mother trembles in my arms, I ask her “What happened? What is wrong?” The next few moments are ingrained in my brain and memory more vividly than any memory I have ever experienced. As my mother stood in front of me, telling me what had happened that morning, everything slowed down around me, barely hearing the words coming out of my mother’s mouth. I had believed I was still asleep and dreaming. To hear my mother tell me that my older brother had passed away in a car accident with two of his friends, my heart dropped to my feet. My typically warm and calm room felt cold and distant. One tear ran down my right cheek, I could not believe what my mother was telling me. My breath went slow, my mind racing. It felt surreal, but there I stood, with my mother in my arms, my chest aching.