Running out of Time

by Mariana Valadez

I have been stuck in my head lately and it’s been causing me to worry. I let myself escape from who I want to be and into someone I am trying to let free. 

I catch myself living in the past, dwelling on my regrets, and trying to reach standards that are nonexistent. This guilt is eating at me. I am living in a constant battle against myself and I am losing. How does one lose against oneself? In a constant search for truth, I was harming myself and those around me. I must let go of all of that. I need to make room for change to evolve into an improved version of myself.

However, how does one learn to love thyself? The only love I ever knew was the toxic kind. If only I can cut into my mind and see when I truly love. I was never taught how to love another and especially to love myself. From daily affirmations, trying not to compare myself to others, journaling… nothing was working. What if I am running out of time?

Being stuck in the past and thinking too far into the future left me no time to think about it now. This is my world and I have the power to manifest what I desire. I desire peace and love within myself to attract this energy around me. Every day doesn’t have to be a constant battle against myself. Time is now and I must stay here in its presence.